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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She made greater energy in our friendship, likely grasped better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a vacation to a nation I know well many times and lived in for a while. I attempted to provide personal experiences, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially just desired validation of her plans. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, but it is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three involves requesting ways you together going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

This can be effective for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they cannot let go of as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they've known. It's tough as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react this way and then think about what you've said. And even if you never reach a fix, it provides closure that you've been honest with her.